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Midlife Crisis

I'm having a second year crisis..... i don't know what i want to DO with my life anymore......

I mean, Vet has always been what i wanted..... right?  Sometimes i feel like the only reason i want to be a vet is because that is what everyone always told me to be.... was it / is it really my own goal??  I mean, i would LOVE to be a vet.  It would be brilliant, and i would really enjoy helping out horses and their owners, doing surgeries and autopsies, all that wonderful stuff.    BUT it is so much...... STUFF.  So hard to get into, so high expectations, so much uncertainty.  17 people a year..... and everytime I hear of another person who is applying it just makes me sick to my stomach.  I am not driven enough, i am not focused enough, i am not.... GOOD enough.  I mean, in theory i can get the grades and i can do the work, but...... i don't know. I just feel like i don't seem to have the drive that i really should if this is my life goal.  It's just the pressure i guess.  Half of the pressure i put on myself, and I always have.  But the pressure of the 5.7% acceptance rate....... i really don't know if i am driven enough to overcome it.

and it would be so easy to just go into Co-op and get a job in a cell bio lab.  I think i would be just as happy, if not more so, to work in a lab and discover interesting things about the human body and report to a superior and do my job. I think i would be good at that.  Being a vet and having to take charge??  Maybe not...... we all know how much i fail at assertiveness.......


It's a beautiful day to be sitting alone in my room, listening to Slayer and integrating by trigonometric substitution. 

I'm not even being sarcastic. 

Next Year

Exams suck and i am somehow incapable of studying... BAD JENN BAD JENN and emily posted her classes for next year so i thought i would too-

I: Chem 231- OrgoChem             3-0                                           II: BioC200 -  Biochem                       3-0

   BioC102 – Human Health        3-0                                                Bio 230 - Genetics                          3-3

   Bio  225 – Cell Biology              3-3                                                Micro 200B – Microbiology             2-2

   Micro200A - Microbiology          2-2                                                PE 141 – Anatomy                           3-2

   Psyc215A - BioPsych                3-0                                                German 101                                      3-0

   German 100                               3-0

..... Yeah i am going to die.  The numbers are lecture-lab hours, but apparently anatomy is 10 hours a week in the lab if you want to do well.  Lovely.  And i need A's in all these classes?  Good luck with that jenn.  Why did i have to pick such a hard career???
It's been a while since i have posted anything, and i somehow have no motivation to do math, thus leading to my ultimate failure on friday's midterm, so let's UPDATE!!

Life here is.... actually pretty sweet.  I mean, i wish it would snow so that i could get a snow day for 2 inches and laugh at the wimpy Victoria-ites, and i wish i had some of the stress from last semester back, because i focus so much better under stress and i have so many difficult midterms coming up, which i need A+'s on if i have ANY CHANCE of getting into vet school.  And also i eat too much and spend too many food points.  Especially since I've started drinking now.... boys finally convinced me. 

But other than that, i suppose you could say i am pretty damn happy.  I have amazing friends to swing dance and have wine and cheese parties and skate and dance and laugh and throw food and punches at, who help me with my homework and let me sit in their rooms for hours doing homework because i can't stand to go home to the awkward silence..... a beautiful boy who watches documentaries with me and gives me excellent music and nerdy jokes, and sometimes lets me kill him on COD4.  My classes are sometimes interesting and physics tuesday is second only to swing thursday in the order of sweet action days of the week (JEAN-RAPHAEL!!!  M' AIDER M' AIDER!!!)  I am going to a horse show on the 9th/10th, and i am going to ENGLAND this summer to wander on horseback across the countryside and get paid for it. 

Yep, i guess you could say that life proceeds as it should.  Now, MATH!!!!!

ps.  the content mood-lemon has a gotee.  does that mean i need to grow facial hair in order to be content???



That would be perfect we would be able to offer you a position starting the
beginning of May. The salary is £5.50 per hour plus statutory holiday pay.

If you have any further questions please do not hesitate to contact me.

Kind regards

Deborah Hogg
Rookin House Farm
Equestrian & Activity Centre

The beginning of May?!?!? So much for seeing anyone this summer......
I am in a state of shock and i don't know why i am not excited.....
Doing homework on a saturday night and fighting the relapse.  

Sometimes i hate myself.....

1) Be more confident.

2) Talk to my roomate more

3) GET STUPID ANTONIO-FACE TO TAKE ME ON A DATE.  and stop being confusing :P 

urgh, the new year. 
can i say it again?  i really don't understand boys...



maybe i am just dense


i feel like a poetic nerd today..... but i really loved this poem: